pole dancing to the people

One of the many fantastic things about pole dancing is that there are poles all over the city. I wanna get my pole dancing ladies to dress monochromatically (white? red?), each take a pole on a major city street (Market in SF?), and have us filmed from a low-flying helicopter while dancing. Public performance art therapy at its sexiest.

"I got a Crush.... on the entire Obama administration."

Considering its inability to appreciate the brilliance of my previous slogans, I can hardly believe I'm still making an attempt with this crowd. Call it determination, call it stubbornness, but I have my eyes on that $400 prize + $100 worth of, um, t-shirts.

"if you think I'm cute, you should see my dog."

That's Threadless #4. And #5:

"If you think I'm cute, you should see my cat."

There's actually a story here. When my sister and I were even littler than we are now, my mom had us wear t-shirts that said: "If you think I'm cute, you should see my mom." (Still so true.) But I'm betting that the way to peeps' hearts is through their pets. If that's the case, vote here.

"what are you doing right now?"

Threadless #2 pays homage to Twitter and Facebook status updates, and a question special enough to warrant submitting to Threadless for printing a t-shirt. So special, in fact, that someone had already submitted it. Boo. My next (and actual) submission forthcoming.

functional condoms

In the past x years, we’ve seen a y% growth in the consumption of functional foods, which Wikipedia defines as foods with “health-promoting and/or disease-preventing property beyond the basic nutritional function of supplying nutrients.” So how about functional condoms, which help you lose weight, supply your daily dosage of anti-oxidants, and/or ward off that nasty flu while giving head? Yea but whotf gives head while the condom is on? Listen - if there’s a market for flavored condoms, there’s just might be a market for functional ones.

mixed-world videoconference

It shouldn’t be too difficult to cook something up that lets a person videoconference with an avatar. With improvements in virtual body language, a person chatting with an avatar might actually look pretty great. Consider how fun/dangerous it would be for kids to talk directly to SpongeBob, not to mention the marketing potential for animated characters in general.

cosmology cake

There are lots of Libras and Monkeys besides you. But there aren’t as many Libran Monkeys. And even fewer Libran Monkeys who are ruled by Oyá. If you pile different cosmologies atop each other like a layered cake – sign in horoscopic astrology over animal in Chinese astrology over Orisha in Candomblé, among others – you may learn something new. I bet there's already a Facebook widget for it.

making your first tele-impression

For online daters who value efficiency, why not meet for a tele-drink first? You can check each other out via videoconference, and decide if increasing the bandwidth is worthwhile.

carbon-neutral cybersex

The Green Islands Project in Second Life enables virtual landowners to offset the carbon costs of running their sims via renewable energy credits. Translate that into a green cyber-brothel offering carbon-neutral cybersex. Because if you could make cybersex a mechanism for addressing climate change, that would be pretty absurd/spectacular.

kisscasting and dancecasting

Remember the beginning of the Brady Bunch, where everyone in the family gets their own little square on a grid? I wanna be able to find all the live streaming videos of people doing x, e.g. kissing or grocery-store-shopping, and make a similar grid. You might feel more inspired while cleaning the toilet. And dancecasting would make a fantastic screensaver.

To: [let google find it]

Make the "To:" line in gmail into a google search box. That way, if you wanna email someone who's not in your contacts, you can google their address. Or if you're 'feeling lucky,' google can suggest their address, the way it already does for URL's in the latest version of Firefox.

I used to think aliens were just us in the future.

And that our future selves had learned to travel through time. But when we traveled backwards, our current selves didn't recognize our future ones, so we called ourselves aliens. And now it's happening. Virtual worlds are approximating David Brin's Transparent Society. Etcetera etcetera.

virtual mergers and acquisitions

Virtual worlds almost never die, writes Castronova). But that doesn’t mean they can’t merge and acquire, especially as demographics change. Will Club Penguin merge with Webkinz or will penguins eat stuffed animals? Or will either of them soon be wearing mini-skirts and staying out past curfew?

real photos of cybersex

Sounds gross. But aren’t you curious? At least a little? Google image searching wasn’t too fruitful. (Do cyberLovers get come on the keyboard? Actually, do they use the mouse-keyboard setup, or are there interfaces designed specifically for this purpose?) Some curator would certainly commission this series. Definitely that one in Me, You, and Everyone we Know.

hold on a sec, I’m having an orgasm

A man I salsa danced with the other night was wearing a bluetooth. But what the title of this post suggests would be extreme multi-tasking.

virtual avatar as 3D mirror

Imagine being able to walk up to yourself, and analyze your beauty from 360+ degrees with zoom capabilities to ensure that every strand of hair is perfectly in place, identify which angles are best for photographs, and have consultants help you with your posture. I’m thinking politicians and wealthy cougars.

mixed-world therapy

Use a world other than this one for expressing your anger. Keep both worlds separate until your anger has diffused, then remove the boundary between them. And call me in the morning.

farmers, fisherwomen, and financial analysts

Investors increasingly seek data on the fiscal impacts of environmental factors. And unlike many environmental scientists, environmentally-concerned investors don’t have epistemological hang-ups. I.e. they don’t care how the knowledge is known as long as it works. The day Generation Investment Management LLP hires farmers and fisherwomen and ‘Traditional Ecological Knowledge’ becomes a valuable asset will be a very interesting one.

shabbat take-out

For the young Jewish mom who wants freshly-baked Challah and a different Kugel recipe, but doesn’t have the time or live-in help to make them. It could even come with the Torah portion of the week, ideas for sermons (or if she prefers, "dialogues"), and transliterated Shabbat songs. I’m thinking Manhattan. (Oh and Greg, I Love that we both independently came up with this idea but your name for it is infinitely more awesome: the Shabbox.)

deploy massage

The reasons we end up lying on our backs on a table in a dark room with someone else's hands manipulating our naked bodies are either very very malignant or very very benign. E.g. to be massaged or to be tortured. So why not just deploy massage?